Tragic events, whether natural disasters or from the recent actions of humans, have ripples of impact. Those most personally connected to the area or the beings who directly experienced the tragedy are most affected. Many others feel less intense ripples of impact. We each have the opportunity to help, starting with our own healing as needed, and then through our interactions with others. The key is to let compassion be the guide.

Douglas County, Kansas, USA has recently experienced the tragedy of two sets of deaths that are believed to be from suicide-murder. Families and friends close to these four people in life and with their deaths, will never be the same. Those close ones have been shattered. They need and deserve help with their grief and healing. 

As community members, we can prepare to help by identifying our beliefs about how such tragedy happens, and who it happens to. “Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion, “ says Jack Kornfield, internationally respected psychologist, author, and teacher of mindfulness meditation.

Do we believe that pain, emotional or physical, can be quickly relieved by following a great suggestion? The truth is that pain, as well as happiness, are expected parts of life. For emotional pain, one of the most powerful “remedies” is listening without judging, without interrupting, without providing answers. In the 2017 book The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth, M. Scott Peck, author, Christian, and psychiatrist wrote, “An essential part of true listening is the discipline of bracketing, the temporary giving up or setting aside of one’s own prejudices, frames of reference and desires so as to experience as far as possible the speaker’s world from the inside, stepping inside his or her shoes.” 

Do we believe that talking with someone about our, or their, thoughts about suicide increases the danger of acting on suicidal thoughts? This is a myth.

Do we believe that suicide only happens because of bad parents or bad partners? As I have the long-time honor of being trusted to provide support for people who have lost loved ones to suicide, I assure you that wonderful, loving people lose loved ones to suicide each year.  And wonderful, loving people die by suicide each year.

Do we believe that grief is like a road trip that takes a certain amount of time and then we get to the destination? The truth is that grief is with us forever. With healing, our life grows and the intense pain from grief is no longer the only thing in our awareness. Throughout life, the pain of grief will come and go in waves, sometimes when we expect that pain and sometimes as a surprise.

Do you wonder why I write “suicide-murder” instead of “murder-suicide”?

Do you believe that suicide-murder happens because the one who ended their lives is always acting in anger, wishing to cause pain? Colleagues in the national suicide prevention community provide some perspectives. As with all life events, there is no one explanation. The limited research on suicide-murder within families leads to the understanding that dying by suicide is the primary goal, the perceived need. However, the suicidal one believes that they must kill family members who would not be able to bear the pain and life changes resulting from the suicide death.

We have no opportunity to prevent deaths that have already happened. We must focus on the living, those who are grieving, as well as those who are struggling for other reasons.  That may include any of us. Helping includes listening and also practical help.  As poet Toni Morrison said about grief, “Sorry doesn’t do it. I think you should just hug people and mop their floor of something.”  

Those who are grieving need to share their emotions, thoughts, questions, how they are feeling physically, how their behavior has changed, and stories about the people they are grieving. They need listeners who will not judge, and who can “hold” that pain, without trying to remove it. If the listener fears for the griever’s safety, that concern must be discussed, so together they can agree on supports for safety. In the USA two of the free, 24/7 sources of guidance are calling 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or texting Crisis Text Line at 741741

Listening is doing something to help, especially when compassion is the guide.

~ RESOURCES ~

For grief support, including for those thinking about suicide

Personal Supports for Grief

• Friends-family
• Faith or spiritual or atheist communities, for those who are part of these

Some Free, 24/7 Supports in the USA

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Phone 988
• Crisis Text Line: Text 741741

Your Local Grief Support Groups and Helpers

The Light Center Grief Support Team, for those in the Douglas County, Kansas, USA area
Contact Marcia Epstein, LMSW at M.Epstein.LMSW@gmail.com

Some Resources and Information for Grief and for Suicide Grief

Some tips for helping someone who is grieving

• From Poet Toni Morrison, “What do you say? There really are no words for that. There really aren’t. Somebody tries to say, ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’ People say that to me.  There’s no language for it. Sorry doesn’t do it. I think you should just hug people and mop their floor or something.”
• Video from Megan Devine, author of It’s OK You’re Not OK, “How to help a grieving friend”  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2zLCCRT-nE

For more information about suicide-murder

• 2017 blog by Dr. Sally Spencer-Thomas, “From Vegas to Columbine to Workplace Violence: Understanding the Complexities Surrounding Murder-Suicid”e at https://www.sallyspencerthomas.com/dr-sally-speaks-blog/2017/10/17/from-vegas-to-columbine-to-workplace-violence-understanding-the-complexities-surrounding-murder-suicide
• 2016 book The Perversion of Virtue: Understanding Murder-Suicide by Dr. Thomas Joiner.
• 2016 book A Mother’s Reckoning: Living In The Aftermath of Tragedy by Sue Klebold, the mother of a young man who shot and killed people at a school

About Marcia Epstein, LMSW

I am a mental health social worker who is a long-time member of the USA-and-beyond “suicide prevention community”, a person living with grief from close ones who died by suicide or other causes, and more.  I work with teens and adults experiencing life challenges and changes. My areas of special expertise include grief; reducing suicide risk; support for suicide grief; and support for trans and nonbinary youth and adults. My home is Lawrence, Kansas, USA where I served as a volunteer, then as Director for 34 years, of Headquarters Counseling Center, now known as KSPHQ, which serves Kansas on 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, formerly the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. December 2013, I established my private social work practice rooted in compassion, expertise, accessibility, and collaboration. I help people learn the skills for thriving, while also carrying our variety of experiences.  I do this through individual and “family” work, as well as support groups, retreats, as well as special events for people affected by suicide and/or grief. I provide training and consultation to other helpers and/or learners. The support groups I offer: Healing After Suicide Loss, for survivors of suicide loss; Stayin’ Alive, for people living with suicide thoughts, self-harm, and attempts; and Thriving Family-Friends, for family-friends of suicidal loved ones. I am a member of the Steering Committee for NAMI Douglas County, Kansas. I am part of the Grief Support Team based at The Light Center in Douglas County, Kansas with Robin Goff, founder of The Light Center; social worker Rose Eiesland Foster; healers Donna Hanschu, Shannon Musgrave, and Jancy Pettit; and life coach Ronda Miller. Since September 2021, I am very active in two international movements: Coalition of Clinician Survivors, for mental health caregivers with personal and/or professional experiences with suicide loss; and PAUSE, People Addressing and Understanding Suicide Experiences. I also host a podcast and events at “The Intersection of Art and Emotional Wellbeing.”

Posted on https://MarciaEpstein.biz
Lawrence, Kansas, USA
December 18, 2022

To The Editor, Lawrence Journal-World (Kansas, USA) https://www2.ljworld.com/opinion/2020/sep/09/letter-to-the-editor-preventing-suicide/

Increase awareness of a goal, share action steps for achieving that, and help a community change for the better.

During the month of September, during this pandemic, on World Suicide Prevention Day, and every day, let’s work on helping every person experience life with much goodness, with a sense of being valued, and a sense of belonging. With every person, especially those in oppressed groups, having access to health care, education, housing, nutrition, exercise, art and culture, employment, and fair salaries. With every person having a strong support network and the skills to balance the challenges that are part of life.

Most people have the ability to smile at others more often, listen more carefully, believe what a person says about how they feel, and/or perform small acts of kindness. Some of us can actively advocate for social justice, and some of us can reach large audiences, including people with the power to lead system changes. Some of us are those people.

That’s what suicide prevention really looks like.

Love really IS the answer

Sincerely,
Marcia Epstein
Lawrence, Kansas

In Lawrence, Kansas, USA every year on September 10, World Suicide Prevention Day, I host Words Save Lives, a performance event. Thanks to the pandemic, this year’s event was virtual & co-hosted with 3 dear Poet-Friends: Ande Johnson, Cei Loofe, & Ronda Miller. Being virtual, the event was shorter than usual, and featured a diverse set of Artists of Poetry and Music.

This year’s performers from Kansas & Nebraska: Ronda Miller, James Benger, Annette Billings, Cei Loofe, Barry Barnes, Ande Johnson, Johnnie Exel, Poet Laureate of Kansas Huascar Medina, Macey Webb, & Louise / Michael Dieker. Thank you so much!!!!

Many of those performers shared some of their words in the WSL2020 Chapbook / E-Book. In addition, my encouragement to Be The Kindness that makes life worth living, and some of my most recommended emotional well-being (“suicide prevention”) support resources are included. The E-Book is meant to be used through a link, formatted on 8.5 x 11 pages. WSL2020 Chapbook / E-Book: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1El_MNKfqxl2oGo8xoaZjGm2AC5AznoJd/view?usp=sharing

Later in 9/13/2020 week the link to the WSL2020 recording will appear on the event page.
Words Save Lives 2020.09.10 https://www.facebook.com/events/996815617440956

A Brief History of Words Save Lives events in Lawrence, Kansas, USA

Poets of Lawrence, Kansas’ Red Tail Collective ~ Megan McHenry, David Douglas, Dustin Baxter, Anna Michener, Erica Hunter, Matthew J. Asbury, Garret Tufte, and Topher Enneking ~ and I launched Words Save Lives on World Suicide Prevention Day, September 10, in 2014. This very special event has grown over the years.

Words Save Lives has grown into a place that creates and strengthens connections, that reminds us that we are valued. A place with all the love and laughter and NO shame. Because We The People, in all our Beauty, need our Experiences represented by Artists of Poetry, Comedy, Story, Music, Drag, and more!

At Words Save Lives we celebrate being together. We celebrate living lives with so much love and goodness that we are able to get through the hardships. We communicate about all that, not just about our experiences with suicide. And we recognize that so many, too many, have more than one of the experiences with suicide.

Words Save Lives really is about Love. Love that is shared within the group of diverse people together in this special space ~ most years, in Lawrence Creates Makerspace. Love between all the people in all the roles: listening, sharing, hugging, performing, talking, drawing …. In 2020, we missed being together in-person, and still we are happy that technology allowed us to be together at #WSL2020

Love really IS the answer!

#WordsSaveLives
#LoveWins
💖🧡💛💚💙💜🖤
Marcia Epstein, LMSW
Lawrence, Kansas, USA
M.Epstein.LMSW@gmail.com https://MarciaEpstein.biz

PS I am a social worker with a passion for helping people affected by suicide in any and all of the ways, bringing my personal & professional experience, ongoing learning, and always heart. I know that “Love really IS the answer.”

PPS The candles represent the experiences of suicide that so many of us have too many of:
💖 Red in honor & memory of people who died by suicide
💜 Purple for living with suicide grief
💙 Blue for living with suicide thoughts, self-harm, suicide attempts
💛 Yellow for friends-family supporting suicidal loved ones
White for people working (volunteer or paid) supporting suicidal people

With hope, I share this photo taken while kayaking on Lake Shawnee.  I hope we all believe there is light at the end of the tunnel: of the most painful times of our personal traumas and struggles, of the global COVID-19 pandemic, of the hatred in our country and elsewhere.  And I hope we all experience some beauty even while we’re still in that tunnel.

A life lesson from the pandemic: In this time, doing the things that are self-care-for-you is essential.  For my husband Kyle and me, kayaking is the thing.  We live in Lawrence, Kansas which has a bunch of lovely lakes within an hour or so.  And with daylight until about 9:00pm, we kayak a couple of times weekly, weather and work schedules cooperating, which means most weeks.

Some Kayaking Suggestions for a new Kayak Kansas Family
Adaptable for other areas 🙂

Have a clear waterproof case with cord (to wear around neck) for at least one person’s cell phone: for camera and for helpful location apps

Have water and life jacket for each person.  Even though it’s much cooler on the water than on land, especially if it’s a hot day with few clouds, you need plenty of water.

Wind speed: affects ability to control direction of kayak, and whether waves may splash a lot of water into your kayak. 

“Generally, any wind under 10 knots (about 11.5 mph) offers safe kayaking regardless of wind direction.”   Our phones have a weather app that includes windspeed info.
https://www.kayakdoorcounty.com/blog/paddling-weather

Current advisories about Kansas lakes with the dangerous algae issue:
https://www.kdheks.gov/algae-illness/

Perry Lake kayak ramp close to Ozawkie, KS
A basic map http://perry.uslakes.info/Maps/ shows that “Old Town Ramp” which is across the dam from Ozawkie is closest to Ozawkie.  But last week when we went there, there was so much wood debris in the cove of the boat ramp that we didn’t try going in there.  “Longview Boat Ramp” is the one that we used.  If you use that one, pay attention to the fact that it starts in a cove that’s a bit tucked in from the main body of water.  We mention this because when we were trying to end our last kayaking there, we did not recognize the area, and then kayaked another mile past it before looking at our app and figuring out what we had done.  Oops.  No harm, just more kayaking than planned.  As a friend once said, “We weren’t lost.  We knew where we were.  We just didn’t want to be there.”

Perry Lake boat ramps basic info 
https://www.nwk.usace.army.mil/Locations/District-Lakes/Perry-Lake/Boat-Ramps/

App that maps your travel on the water, which is helpful to get you back to your starting point 🙂
We use the iPhone Paddle Logger app to give us a map of and log of our trips.
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/paddle-logger-for-watersports/id955311911

Some other recommendations for android or iPhone
https://appgrooves.com/rank/maps_and_navigation/boating-maps/best-boating-map-apps

Find your car app on phone is helpful for finding your entry point on a lake, if your car is parked near there 🙂

During this time of “pandemic jail” I participate in many learning opportunities and conversations about suicide, grief, and this pandemic; I cry most days; I laugh each day; all because that’s who I am.  So again, I’m here, sharing some of the meaning I make related to this pandemic time.  Plus, an article and a song about what to expect of oneself during this strange time.  And a joke.

We each live with the variety of harsh experiences, beautiful highlights, and what’s between those points, that we’ve experienced in our lives up to this moment.  This COVID-19 global pandemic is unlike any previous traumatic event in the world for reasons including: this virus is happening across the globe, not just in one location; there is not yet a clear ending time; the lack of effective governmental leadership in the USA; needing physical distancing as an important tool for preventing the spread of this virus; in the USA alone, as of this hour, over 66,000 people’s deaths are attributed to this virus; and the internet means quick spread of fact and fiction, love and hate.

All of us already living with grief and other traumatic experiences plus empathy for other beings, may experience the impacts of those more intensely with the quantity of references to death and trauma that we are exposed to daily in personal conversations as well as in media.  Those who live alone may be more intensely impacted due to reduced in-person time and physical touch from safe friends-family.  People of color, and people in other vulnerable populations, are experiencing more verbal and physical aggression, and even more physical violence, as well as very limited access to healthcare for any type of need, complicating their suicide grief.  This is not just hypothetical; this is the truth of living in the USA. Yes, this is a very hard time, and we absolutely need to try to be kind to ourselves and others.

And I’m certain that I am not alone in feeling annoyed-to-infuriated by messages that hint at ~ or yell ~ pressure to stay on the bright side. Yeah, no, not always!  So, I’m sharing a couple of recent finds that resonate with me, to remind you that you are not alone in feeling challenged by life in this time of the pandemic.

This article: How To Survive A Plague: (Hint) You’re Doing Too Much
“To summarize: grieve, eat, sleep, numb out as needed. And instead of aiming for positivity or productivity, focus on being kind – to yourself, and to the ones you love.”
https://bust.com/living/197176-covid-19-productivity-myth.html

This song available on the Facebook of singer-songwriter Cosy Sheridan: ”
It’s instructive how we come apart” https://www.facebook.com/cosysheridan/videos/10158403398954914/UzpfSTYyMTY3MTI3MDpWSzo2NDc5NzkzNzI3MTY5NDk/

And still, because as I say, “Without laughter, we explode and that’s just not pretty!” … As many days as possible: Notice some beauty.  Be the goodness in someone’s day.  Do something good-for-you.  Explore nature around your home, or beyond if you have access, including through the internet. (I’m in Kansas and this is a particularly beautiful spring.)  Laugh!  Watch or listen to some comedy; share a joke.  If you are able, cook and eat something beautiful, healthy, and tasty.  (If you need help securing food or other items, please ask for help.) When realistic for you, make at least some of your purchases from small local businesses, including local farms and bookstores.  Write a letter to someone special to you.  If you have access, use videocall for some of your conversations with friends-family.  Encourage people to get informed and VOTE in upcoming elections, local to national.  Finding ways of having some positive impact is especially important in times of uncertainty.

OK, so this joke: A frog goes into a bank. They approach the person at the loan desk and notice that their name tag reads “Patty Whack.” The frog says, “Excuse me, I’d like to apply for a loan.”  The banker, very surprised that a talking frog was in their bank, said, “We only work with humans; no animals can get loans here. Besides, you would need to have collateral.”  The frog pulled a little china elephant out of their pocket and handed it to the banker. ” My father knows your bank president and I have this for collateral.” The banker became flustered and excused themselves to speak with the bank’s president. The banker explained, “There is a frog at my desk asking for a loan. They say their father knows you and this elephant is their collateral.” The bank president said, “It’s a knickknack, Patty Whack! Give the frog a loan!  Their old man’s a Rolling Stone!”

Please, do the things that keep you and those you encounter, and those they encounter, as safe as possible from this virus. As long as people in the USA are still lacking access to testing, treatment, and vaccination; preventing the spread of this virus is primarily up to each individual. And as the poet Gwendolyn Brooks said, “We are each other’s harvest; we are each other’s business; we are each other’s magnitude and bond.”

Some sources of Coronavirus / COVID-19 information
1) Whatever Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of USA’s National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, says
2) World Health Organization
3) USA’s Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
4) The governmental health departments local to you

Previous blogs in this series include suggestions and supports for these times.

Love really IS the answer!
Marcia Epstein, LMSW
Lawrence, Kansas, USA
M.Epstein.LMSW@gmail.com
https://MarciaEpstein.biz

PS I served from October 1979 – November 2013 as the Director of Headquarters, Inc., aka Headquarters Counseling Center, the free, 24/7 counseling center in Lawrence, Kansas. In 2001, Chad Sublet and I started the first Disaster Mental Health Team for Emergency Management of any county in Kansas. Currently, I provide individual, “family,” and group support for all those experiences with suicide, as well as for grief from other causes, and support for other life changes. I live with suicide grief, among other experiences of the harder kind. As well as much love and beauty. My experience and expertise in the area of crisis support and management continues to grow. However, knowing that stuff does not buffer me from the impacts of trauma. It lets me know I’m still a caring human.

v.2020.05.04.13.10

This pandemic does NOT make people die by suicide. I know this from my decades of (and ongoing) active participation in the national “suicide prevention” community. This pandemic does NOT make people die by suicide.

If you want to “hear” this from someone else, try one of these links:
1) Fear and Isolation May Not Actually Bring A Rise In Suicide
by Emmy Betz, MD, MPH and Jessica Gold, MD, MS; April 13, 2020
https://slate.com/technology/2020/04/isolation-suicide-risk-pandemic-lower.html
2) Suicide Mortality and Coronavirus Disease 2019 – A Perfect Storm?
by Mark A. Reger, PhD; Ian A. Stanley, MS; and Thomas E. Joiner, PhD; April 10, 2020
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/2764584

As family, friends, and/or helpers we have the opportunity and responsibility to provide truth, as well as listening, emotional support, and when needed, help finding resources for emotional support and safety. As poet Gwendolyn Brooks said, “We are each other’s harvest; we are each other’s business; we are each other’s magnitude and bond.”

We must spread the word that dying by suicide does not have to happen just because one is in some group, or has some experience, in common with others who have died by suicide. If we encourage the belief that it is natural to die by suicide because of all of the losses from this pandemic, we help people go toward that direction. When we assure people that it is human and natural to have thoughts of suicide when we are affected by too much painful stuff, we can listen, support, and help people find ways to experience life worth living, and to stay alive.

One of the many reasons that I know this is possible is that I know Thomas Joiner’s Interpersonal Theory of Suicide. Joiner’s research basically showed that the intersection of three things leads to high risk of suicide. When a person experiences: 1) lack of belonging; 2) believing one is a burden; and 3) acquired capability for violence/ harming oneself; the likelihood of acting on suicidal thoughts is high.

We have the opportunity and responsibility to help others believe that they belong and are valued, not a burden. In this time of the COVID-19 pandemic we need to urge #PhysicalDistance and #SocialConnection through all the safe methods of technology, including hand-writing letters, as well as some safe in-person contact at a 6′ or more distance, including outdoors in sunshine.

I am also a big fan of helping people develop and periodically update a Safety Plan as designed by Barbara Stanley, PhD and Gregory Brown, PhD. This plan is about identifying what one really knows, and safe ways one really will use, for easing the pain/ getting calmer. http://suicidesafetyplan.com/

For additional suggestions and for information about some of the USA’s free, 24/7 emotional/ mental health supports, please see my two previous “Peacefully Coexisting …” posts.

Some sources of Coronavirus / COVID-19 information
1) Whatever Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of USA’s National Institute of Allergy and Infections Diseases, says
2) World Health Organization
3) USA’s Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
4) The governmental health departments local to you

And most important, BE KIND! To yourself and others! Love really IS the answer.

If you are having those thoughts of suicide, please know that you are not the only one, and you do not have to act on those thoughts or urges. Please find someone who will listen, believe you, and help relieve some of the emotional intensity or numbness. Please.

If you are someone who is living with suicide grief, you deserve caring support. When your brain has the thought that the person’s death is your fault, and you are feeling guilty, try to accept those thoughts and feelings as natural for people who are grieving, and also remember that just because your brain has a thought, that thought is not always true. Talk with others who understand. We are around.

So many of us have more than one of the experiences with suicide: grief from the suicide death of one or more people we love; living with our own suicide thoughts, attempts, and/or self-harm; supporting someone we love who is suicidal; and/or working (volunteer or paid) as a support to people who are suicidal. Talking with people who “get it” is an important part of the support we deserve.

Take really good care!
Marcia Epstein, LMSW
Lawrence, Kansas, USA
M.Epstein.LMSW@gmail.com
https://MarciaEpstein.biz

PS I served from October 1979 – November 2013 as the Director of Headquarters, Inc., aka Headquarters Counseling Center, the free, 24/7 counseling center in Lawrence, Kansas. In 2001, Chad Sublet and I started the first Disaster Mental Health Team for Emergency Management of any county in Kansas. Currently, I provide individual, “family,” and group support for all those experiences with suicide, as well as for grief from other causes, and support for other life changes. I live with suicide grief, among other experiences of the harder kind. As well as much love and beauty. My experience and expertise in the area of crisis support and management continues to grow.

v.2020.04.17.21:20

I wrote these primarily for people in my groups, which are not currently meeting in person. All of those people have access to technology and internet at home. I realize not everyone does.

Peacefully Coexisting with COVID-19, Part 2
#PhysicalDistanceSocializing

In this time of global coronavirus pandemic, we still NEED Social Interaction, with physical distance between beings.

Two of the Safe-From-Sharing-Germs ways are:
1) Outside, with at least 6 feet between beings, and still covering sneezes and coughs
2) Videocalls while doing things that we might otherwise do together: cooking & eating a meal, sitting around a firepit, listening to music, watching something on a home screen, dancing, creating art,…

For those who are not yet users of free videocalling services, three that really are easy to use (because if I can, anyone can) are:
1) For those with Google accounts, GoogleHangouts
2) Skype https://www.skype.com/en/
3) Zoom https://zoom.us/

A friend shared this very helpful and short Zoom tutorial:
How to Use Zoom – Free Video Conferencing & Virtual Meetings https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMUxzrgZvZQ

Happy socializing!

Peacefully Coexisting with COVID-19, Part 3:
#EmotionalSupport in the time of #Polarization #COVID19 #PhysicalDistanceSocializing #FinancialConcerns & more:

💖 Doing the Good-For-You-Things

🧡 Communicating with your Friends-Family through messaging, videocall, email, phone, letters & cards, at a distance of six or more feet & still covering sneezes & coughs

💛 Using some of those free, 24/7 supports for the USA, like:

~ Crisis Text Line: Text “Start” to 741-741 As the name implies, this is text not voice. http://www.crisistextline.org/get-help-now/

~ NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Helpline: only M-F 9am-5pm CDT at 800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org www.nami.org/find-support/nami-helpline

~ National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233, https://www.thehotline.org/

~ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255),  https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

~ RAINN, Rape Incest National Network: 800-656-HOPE (4673), https://www.rainn.org/

~ The Trevor Project: for LGBTQ+ teen and young adults http://www.TheTrevorProject.org 866-488-7386; plus chat and text options included on the website

~ Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860, staffed by trans & nonbinary people, for trans & nonbinary people www.TransLifeline.org

~ Veterans Crisis Line: http://www.VeteransCrisisLine.net 800-273-8255 Option 1; plus chat and text options included on the website

~ Plus peer-to-peer support: 7 Cups of Tea, www.7cups.com

💚 Meeting with a mental health therapist or coach: Depending on public health recommendations of the time, that might be in person, by videocall, by phone or text.

💙💜🖤💖 I’m one of those mental health helpers. I meet with people ~ by phone, by videocall, and in person ~ at a variety of times of the day & week, with the person deciding how much they are able to pay, including no pay when needed. More info on this website 🙂

You deserve support!

Take good care … really good care!
Marcia
Lawrence, Kansas, USA

The whole world and all of her beings are impacted by the existence of the Coronavirus / COVID-19.  Including you and all the people you care about, as well as those you don’t yet know.

In my area, testing for Coronavirus / COVID-19 is rationed by the Kansas Department of Health and Environment.  Treatment specific to this virus does not yet exist.  However, opinions, recommendations,  and some facts are broadcast 24/7 in real life, on social media, online, TV, radio, in our dreams, ….

Through March 2020 and potentially longer, many public and private businesses are temporarily closing; events, including support gatherings, are being cancelled.  People whose income is from small local businesses are losing income.  Schools of all levels are closed for varying durations.  So families with adults who work while children are in school may or may not have safe options to keep working.  When colleges and universities close their campuses, even when they will continue educational programs online, residential students may have no resources for housing, food, or transportation to another “home.”

This is freaking stressful!  Expect to be impacted.  Beings are supposed to care about each other and themselves.  (And yes, that includes those of us who are designated helpers.  We helpers take responsibility for our own care, so we can help others!)

I’ve been around crisis work long enough to remember when HIV / AIDS was a new public health concern with no treatment.  And in those days, the basic recommendations were: keep your stress low and live like you, and everyone you are in contact with, are HIV+.  And that is what I advocate for current times and Coronavirus / COVID-19.

So what are you supposed to do? 
1) Periodically slow down and take a few deep breaths.  Acknowledge your emotions, where you feel them in your body, and your thoughts.  However, remind yourself that your thoughts are not necessarily true.  And be aware that rumination is not helpful, so try to “change the channel” in your brain.
2) Try to get sufficient sleep.
3) Eat healthy, nutritious foods.
4) Drink plenty of water.  (The water in alcoholic beverages does not count.  Just sayin’.)
5) Exercise in the ways that are realistic for your body.
6) Communicate with people you trust to really listen to you.  Your pets count as people!
7) Wash your hands frequently and thoroughly.  When they’re clean, you get to touch your face!  Then wash your hands again.
8) Purchasing hand sanitizer is no longer an option, thanks to those who bought up mass quantities.  You may still be able to get the basic DIY supplies, though: alcohol (not the kind you drink!)  and glycerine or aloe gel.  Follow the directions on The Mighty for making hand sanitizer.
9) Clean the surfaces in your living and work environment.  If you use bleach or alcohol, CDC guidelines : Click that link for “how to.”
10) As much as possible, avoid exchanging germs with other people!  Those cleaning suggestions above are important.  And wait there’s more!  The USA’s Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) offers prevention tips  Use them!  And expect the tips to be updated as more information becomes known.

Do YOUR things that help YOU cope with hard stuff in life
You need to limit your exposure to “news” as well as how much time you spend thinking about this virus!  And you are more likely to succeed when you substitute a different activity.  As mentioned above: do YOUR level of exercise, and communicate with YOUR people.  Do the things that are helpful to you, that you will really do.  In case you need some prompts to come up with your list, here are some, in no special order:
1) Journaling can be a good way to dump stuff out of your brain, or a good way to remind yourself of some goodness that you experience each day.
2) Arts, crafts, coloring, cooking, ….  Focus on, and enjoy, creating things, whether or not you will share them with others
3) Distract yourself in other healthy ways that fully occupy your brain so that it has no room for a while to focus on worries about the virus.
4) Indulge your senses:
~ soaps, candles, incense, oils with scents that you really enjoy,
~ look for the beauty outside of your front door or even in your home,
~ eat or drink something that tastes really good,
~  listen to music, stories, poetry, books
~ soothing touch might include wearing really comfortable clothing, a soft blanket on a cold day, petting a beloved dog, cat, ferret, or other fur baby
5) Do the things that anthropologist Angeles Arrien found to be healing activities across cultures: sing, dance, share your story, and spend some time in silence.

And most important, BE KIND!  To yourself and others!

Some sources of Coronavirus / COVID-19 information
1) World Health Organization
2) USA’s Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
3) The governmental health departments local to you

Take good care… really!
Marcia

PS  I served from October 1979 – November 2013 as the Director of Headquarters, Inc., aka Headquarters Counseling Center, the free, 24/7 counseling center in Lawrence, Kansas.  In 2001, Chad Sublet and I started the first Disaster Mental Health Team for Emergency Management of any county in Kansas.  Chad and I each completed several courses from the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation, as well as Disaster Mental Health training by American Red Cross.  My experience and expertise in the area of crisis support and management continues to grow.

Those who know me know that I do not shy away from that L word. My email signature begins with, “Love really IS the answer.” My posts on Facebook include #LoveWins and
💖🧡💛💚💙💜

Love is part of my work as well. In The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck explains that “True listening, total concentration on the other, is always a manifestation of love.”

A question in my inbox reminded me yet again, that I cannot describe my work with people in just a few sentences. My work is based in love, respect, listening, hope, and “doing what works.”

Who am I as a helper?  I frequently have the opportunity to introduce myself to someone who has been told by a trusted someone (or a search engine) that they should talk with me. My business card above is a start. My commitment to learning and improving must also be spoken about. And that fortune which has lived in my wallet since a November 2013 dinner with dear friend and colleague Bill Geis, Ph.D. is another important statement about me.

And what do I do when people contact me for help? People contact me through a variety of technologies. As my voicemail states, I reply as quickly as is realistic. I do not want to be the reason for a delay in a person finding the help they need, whether or not that help will include me. I encourage the person to let me know some specifics about their need, and I either offer to talk soon, or provide suggestions for other help.

To people in the Lawrence, Kansas, USA area: If you or someone you care about is looking for a compassionate and skilled companion in some personal work, please consider contacting me. The best start is by email to M.Epstein.LMSW@gmail.com

Much more info is on this site https://MarciaEpstein.biz

• Healing After Suicide: for adults with loved ones who have died by suicide. Healing suicide grief reduces suicide risk. Meets every other Tuesday evening from 6:30-8:15pm More info at https://MarciaEpstein.biz
• Stayin’ Alive: for adults with suicide thoughts, self harm or attempts. Meeting schedule varies. https://www.facebook.com/Stayin.Alive.Lawrence.KS
• Thriving Family-Friends: for adults with suicidal loved ones. Meeting schedule varies. https://www.facebook.com/Thriving.FF.Lawrence.KS

• For info on Kansas City area groups: SASS-MoKan, Suicide Awareness Survivor Support, Kansas City area http://www.sass-mokan.com/
• For info on the group that meets in Topeka: HeALS Topeka, Healing After Loss To Suicide https://www.facebook.com/HEALsTopekaArea/
• For info about suicide bereavement and about groups in other parts of USA: from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention https://afsp.org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/