People show what they really value through how they spend their time and money. I dedicate much energy to my closest FriendsFamily and to my own well-being. My social work focus has similarities to spaghetti ~ well actually long pasta is more accurate than only spaghetti, because it definitely does not all look the same. Since December 2013, My chosen work is providing support, for what can only be a relatively small number of people, through individual and/or “family” work to help them get to lives that they are glad to live, even with the hard stuff.

I am not “your typical” mental health worker. I “grew up” in the Free-24/7-VolunteerStaffed-CrisisCenter-World. (Sadly, that is no longer a common model of helping people, and even the phrase “crisis center” has a different meaning now.) I found my work passion and year after year continue to connect with people, growing a wonder-full circle of amazing Friends and Colleagues across the USA, Canada and beyond. I continue to hold tight to the values of Accessibility, Careful Listening, Caring, and Respect that were the foundations of those “old school crisis centers.” And I have continued learning and adding to my circles of Friends-Colleagues (including many in my FriendsFamily circle) in work that radiates around helping people grow lives they are glad to live, even with the hard stuff. (What other people include other “suicide prevention.”)

I’ll get to the spaghetti part in a while.

My focus in many aspects of my life includes ~ because I can ~ “holding doors open” for people who are less often “heard” because of their marginalized identities. Not speaking for or about others with identities that I do not share. Instead acknowledging that my identities include privileged ones: white, cisgender, heterosexual, “middle income,” with a graduate degree, and decades of social work and social work-ish experience (before having a Master’s in Social Work.) However, those are not my only identities.

In 2014, I launched an annual event on September 10, World Suicide Prevention Day, in Lawrence, Kansas, USA. That event brings people of diverse identities together through the communication of art: word art, music, dance, aerial acrobatics some years, painting, and likely other arts in future years. That event is named Words Save Lives.

I value what I learn from the processes of participating in international communities / loose-knit organizations which are working together to reduce suicide. Communities including the Living Beyond Suicide initiative, Coalition of Clinician Survivors (of suicide loss), and PAUSE, People Addressing and Understanding Suicide Experiences. I value the learning that happens when like-hearted people, although not necessarily like-minded, work together, valuing each others’ Identities-Experiences-Perspectives. And for me, the learning from the work is even richer than the outcomes. That learning becomes part of who I am, and what I bring into my work and personal relationships with people.

And finally … how this relates to spaghetti …

My older brother, whose identities included “Dr. Mark Epstein, Surgeon” taught me a variety of things before (and after) his life ended way too soon in 2019. One of those things, something he said he learned in the Navy, is that the way to tell if spaghetti is properly cooked, is to throw some against the refrigerator door. It the spaghetti sticks, it’s done.

I use that doneness test in my social work. In the mix of Accessibility, Careful Listening, Caring, and Respect, I also throw spaghetti strands against the refrigerator door, and see what sticks. In this case, the spaghetti strands that stick are the coping tools, ways of looking at issues, actions to try, … that the person is likely to use and benefit from. It doesn’t matter to me whether the majority of people wouldn’t benefit from that particular piece of pasta, if it appears likely that this person or “family” will.

Long ago, I started my work as a helper to people experiencing hard things in their lives. I continue to learn from people who share experiences with me, from reflecting on my own experiences, and from seeking “formal” learning and new tools. I have a lot of different types of spaghetti, and gain more each year. Maybe at some point in your life, or the life of someone you care about, I will become one of the collaborators in healing.


Thanks for “listening,”
Marcia Epstein, LMSW
she/her/hers
Survivor of suicide losses
Specialist in life changes, grief, reducing suicide risk, and suicide bereavement
M.Epstein.LMSW@gmail.com
https://MarciaEpstein.biz
Lawrence, Kansas, USA